how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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