we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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