so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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