I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
