Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
