if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
