Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
