i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
