I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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