I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
