i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
