i already hear my dad disowning me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
