The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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