Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
