6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
