looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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