everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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