Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone came in the potted fern
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
