3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Still dying that you shit outside
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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