she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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