Can i not drive my cunt home
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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