If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
