I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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