I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
