did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
