dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
