Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
