I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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