I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
