A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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