shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
