What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
