Your mouth is God's brothel.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
