I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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