We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
