Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
