they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
