This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
