i think my tv is drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
