Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
