Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
