dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
