could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
