so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
