would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
