I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
zippers are such a cool invention
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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