You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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