I hate your face
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
