wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
