his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
