Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
