All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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