so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
