Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
